Mark Johnston

Prayer - It's the Craziest Thing

I realized something kind of interesting today.

When I pray (really pray; pray to the point of shutting down every other component of my system and locking my heart and spirit in on God), God meets with me.

He speaks to me.

He gives me peace.

And direction.

When I pray like that, pushing through the inevitable flood of distractions that threatens to drown my spiritual attentiveness as soon as I begin, God responds. A few minutes in, inevitably, he begins to work; subtly sometimes, intensely others, but it’s him all right – doing transformational things inside me.

When I begin, I’m frustrated, I’m scared, I’m weary, I’m excited, I’m spastic, I’m lazy, I’m pumped, I’m pitiful. And a few minutes in, all of those superfluous emotions fade and it’s me and him, abiding in each other.

Jesus, I’m really glad you do that when I pray. You’d think I’d get a clue and pray far more often and far more passionately and for far longer periods of time, instead of rushing around trying to fix everything with my pea-brain’s worth of perspective.

I think I’ll start praying more. Not because I’ll feel guilty if I don’t. Not because prayer is another notch in my glory belt. Not because it’s what Christians/pastors/people with issues like me do.

But because when I pray, really pray, you work in me.

Whine

This morning we held Life Groups Facilitator/Host training at The Journey. It was fantastic: Sarah Lang, crazy-mad props to you for an incredible presentation. Sharp, sharp, sharp.

About noon, as we were finishing up, my wife tapped me on the shoulder. She led me to the preschool room where the ceiling tiles were buckling under, no lie, our third major leak at our campus in the past month. This time, it was an air conditioning unit – one of the ones we just spent $1500 having fixed 48 hours ago.

Ray and Julie Longwood helped us clean up and replace the ceiling tiles. Two hours later, as I was finishing up another meeting and getting ready to head to a birthday party, Susan called for me. The ceiling was leaking again.

I called our A/C people and they told me they couldn’t come until tomorrow morning. So we packed the kids up and headed (late) for the party. Then the A/C people called back – and said they were on their way. We turned around, my wife dropped me off at the church, and I’ve been here ever since hanging out with a friendly guy named Hai who’s been trying to figure out what the problem was.

It’s 6:00. It’s Saturday. I’ve been in this building all day. I still have at least 5 hours of studying ahead of me before crashing for some sleep, then arising early to pray and go over my notes and head back here for another full day of gatherings and meetings. This past week, both of our cars went into the shop: $800. Over the last 5 days, I’ve grappled with a major financial mess left on our church’s doorstep, listened to a contractor who has made empty promise #138 regarding work that was supposed to be completed three weeks ago, and picked up the pieces from a big ministry mistake I made recently (it wasn't here). To add insult to injury, somewhere at a birthday party someone’s polishing off their final bowl of ice cream.

And you know what? It’s okay. I signed up for this. There’s nothing I’d rather do than serve well, and sometimes that means sucking it up and stepping in. Should the Lead Pastor be hanging out with the A/C guy on a Saturday afternoon instead of praying and preparing for Sunday? Nope. That’ll need to change. But for now, I was here, and I’m not about to let something important regarding God’s church go undone just because “it’s not my job.” Do I wish I had a little more (lot more) cash flow right now to handle the mounting bills our family is suddenly facing? Yep. (Did you hear that God?! YEP!) But I have food to eat and clothes to wear, so according to Jesus, all my needs are met. Will I learn from the mistake I made? You’d better believe it. But I refuse to bow low under the weight of it and obsess over how I wish it had never happened.

I’m a follower of Jesus. We know how to roll with the punches.

I’ve been a whiney-butt in the past. Rarely out loud, just in my own head. I’m not going to whine about this. I’m going to finish this blog and go pray and study – because tomorrow, God’s going to meet with us in a significant manner. We’re going to experience God and become or grow as followers of Jesus. And if I’m loaded down with a whiney, why-me attitude, I’ll just be in the way.

A/C, you’d better work. Cash, you’d better flow. Mark, you’d better learn. But if not, I’m not quitting. I’m going to live my life big, serving and giving and making everything I touch “my job.”

Sayonara.

Stuff I've Done Right - and Wrong

A couple of months ago, I took a few minutes of pondering time. Time to think about thirteen years of ministry (I groan as I write that – feeling old). I thought about what I’ve done right and what I’ve done wrong: and there was something remarkable about the list. I thought I’d share it with you. I think it’ll make sense whether you’re a preacher or a bank manager. I’ll begin with stuff I’ve done right:

*Held the line. My stubbornness borders on profound, and that can be a bad thing (more on that in a minute); but it’s also proved to be a gift at times. Tenacity propels dreams and visions forward when more flexible people might cave and go do something else. Church planters need a little grit in their guts. I think God has gifted me with that.

*Demanded the best. I’ve been unwilling to compromise the commitment level and work ethic of those who lead close to me. I may have wiggled and wondered a while; but I’ve always come back around to the principle that kingdom stuff ought to be top-notch, passion-fueled, and next-level.

*Worked hard. I’ve working stinking hard. Not always at the right things (more on that in a minute); but I’ve worked hard. I’ve gotten up early and stayed up late. I’ve said “no” to leisure and “yes” to labor more often than not. And it’s paid off.

*Moved quickly. I’ve jumped in when more cautious people were still grappling with superfluous issues. If I know it’s right, I do it; then I figure out the rest of the ramifications later. That’s helped The Journey take rapid, decisive steps in ministry that were risky… but ultimately right.

*Burned bridges. I haven’t sat around nurturing regret. I’ve moved on, moved forward, and moved through circumstances and criticism that might have stopped others in their tracks.

You don’t think I’d just brag about what I’ve done right do you? Here’s the stuff I’ve done wrong. See if you notice anything interesting:

*Held the line. Remember when I said my stubbornness can be a bad thing? It really, really can. I’ve been unyieldingly stubborn at times – and as a result, I’ve missed out on ideas and decisions that would have contributed to a healthier approach to life and ministry. My relationships have suffered at times from my inflexibility.

*Demanded the best. I’ve demanded the best of people who, whether because of personality, calling, or season, weren’t able to give it in a certain area of ministry. And it’s hurt them and me. I’ve blurred the line between top-notch, passion-fueled, and next level and appearance-oriented, workaholic, and overbearing. If you’ve suffered at my hands, I’m deeply sorry.

*Worked hard. I’ve worked too hard at times on stuff that didn’t matter as much as I thought it did at the time. I’ve wasted precious moments working frantically away on things that it has now become clear actually contributed very little to God’s kingdom or people’s growth.

*Moved quickly. That same decisiveness and rapid response has cost me at times – especially with people. I wish I’d moved even quicker with programming decisions; but more slowly with relationships and staffing/placing decisions. I’ve jumped the gun often, and it hasn’t always been pretty. I’ve ignored important information, gut checks, and words of caution from people I should trust.

*Burned bridges. I’ve cut people off when they didn’t perform up to my expectations. I’ve used departures as an opportunity to air my true feelings. I’ve been proud, selfish, petty, and stupid. I wince when I think about it. I can be so focused on what I think (know!) is right that I become abrasive, arrogant, and very much unlike Christ.

By now you’ve noticed, as I did, that the list of things I’ve done wrong is exactly the same as the list of things I’ve done right. My gifts have sometimes become lead weights around the legs of my life and ministry. The abilities and talents and traits that God has generously bestowed upon me, I’ve frequently misused and even abused.

So what am I going to do differently over the next 13 years if God allows? I’m still going to hold the line, demand the best, work hard, move quickly, and burn the right bridges. But I’m going to become more flexible, people-oriented, balanced, attentive, and forgiving in the process.

What have you done right? What have you done wrong? What are you going to do now?

Sex Symbol

NOTE: I wrote this blog some time ago. I hope the timing of me posting it is more than coincidental for someone out there in the blogosphere.

I’m sitting somewhere working on this coming Sunday’s message and there is a woman a few feet from me who is exuding an almost tangible sexuality. She’s come to meet a guy here; their relationship isn’t intimate yet, but it seems clear that he has been drawn in. She tosses her hair and draws out her words – they drip with a thinly veiled sensuality. She laughs at things that aren’t very funny; she commands attention with a sing-song voice that’s just a little louder than necessary…

So I asked my Father to speak to me about this. And it seems to me her internal life may be rotting away. I feel it's possible that all of her efforts to attract the attention of men are leaving her with a very superficial sense of wholeness that grows increasingly fragile. It seems to me that she has worked hard over time to create an identity loaded with sexual expression; and it has paid off on the surface but not in the soul. I don’t know what she’s compensating for, running from, hoping to keep hidden beneath layers of beauty and flirtation… but eventually, ultimately, it will prove ineffective.

The emptiness of a wandering, unhinged sexuality pervades our culture. Lost in the midst of this is the immensely beautiful sexuality of a rooted relationship; codified by public commitment, saturated with sacrifice and the constant yielding of oneself to another, coupled closely with the confidence that the other has one’s best interests at heart.

It is the softness of the soul that marriage calls for that makes sex great for those willing to pursue it in all of its fullness. There is something about the need to bend my desires – not for a night, but for a lifetime – to the pressing influence of the well-being of one other person, created by God to complement me, that makes intimate expression joyful, exuberant, and fulfilling… rather than fleeting, fake, and deceptively hollow.

To every young woman tempted to paint sexuality upon the snowy white canvas of your soul; to every young man convinced that a few minutes of physiological release can somehow compensate for a life bowed to Christ and a yielding to his timing and purpose; I urge you, by the mercies of God: present your bodies a living sacrifice to God, holy, acceptable, and pure… in an act of spiritual service.

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil;
4 but in the end she is bitter as gall,
sharp as a double-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death;
her steps lead straight to the grave.
6 She gives no thought to the way of life;
her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.
(Proverbs 5:3-6 – NIV).

Symbols are ultimately unsatisfying; a poor substitute for reality. Sex is more than a symbol.

If you're pursuing a symbol at the expense of your character, come clean. Confess. Change. Don't keep holding hands with someone whose feet are going down to death; who gives no thought to the way of life.