Move On

Are there any other agonizers out there?  (Don’t spell-check “agonizer” – it’s not a word.  See, I’m already agonizing over using it.  Pitiful.)

Is there anyone else who wrestles with the paralysis of analysis, who worries about the decisions and impressions you’re making… or not making?

I can be an agonizer at times.   I worry that I wasted this hour; need to follow up on that person; should’ve said more at that moment; less at this one.

I can quickly become crippled by this incessant rehashing of my life, trying to figure out where I went wrong and how to make it right.

There’s a time and place for such careful introspection, of course.  Too many people in our culture – too many believers even – are stunted and stifled by the opposite problem.  They rarely reflect on their decisions; infrequently pausing to consider what is motivating, distracting, or tempting them.  Consequently, they’re destined to keep repeating the same stupid mistakes, making the same stupid choices, wasting the same chunks of never to be regained time – over and over and over again.

But for those of us who suffer from agonizitis (I’m on a roll now), here’s the thing we have to admit: it’s pretty stinking selfish.  When we transcend healthy reflection and enter the realm of self-obsession, we leave God’s grace behind.  A constant “tinkering with our souls” (thank you A.W. Tozer) is simply another sign of our own human nature running sickeningly amok.

Paul said, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do" (Romans 7:15).  But he didn't stop there.  He recognized how screwed up his human nature was and then moved on in Christ, declaring - "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).

Maybe it’s time to lay aside questions like “why did I do that?” and “what’s wrong with me?” long enough to get in a good, hard gaze at a holy God; a God who is unimpressed by our agonizing, yet infinitely passionate about our joyful surrender to his grace. 

Maybe it’s time to pray for someone else.  Maybe it’s time to simply trust God with “why did I do that?” and ask instead, “What do you want me to do now?”  Stop agonizing.  Bring some closure to your reflection.  Leave the needs of your own soul in the capable hands of God and focus on the needs of another.  Move on. 

Comments

[robin steele]

very good stuff, mark. thanks

[Melissa]

Excellent post, thanks for the reminder (coming from an infamous over-analyzer in recovery :))! I really enjoy your blog, by the way. Keep up the great work!

[Mark Johnston]

Melissa - thanks for the comment and the props! I feel your pain... and pray for your continued recovery :-) We feel so free when we discard an obsession with analysis to just live in grace... but we fall so frequently for the same temptations to turn back to our old ways. Be blessed.

[Mark Johnston]

Robin - thanks for the note man! Hope you and yours are blessed.