Old Buddy, Old Pal

Here’s something I’ve noticed about friendships: they’re easy to maintain in the middle.

What I mean is that the quality of a friendship (and of a friend) is rarely tested when life is uninteresting and routine.  Minor, everyday issues don’t pull on the fabric of a friendship with much force at all.  It’s easy to have and be a friend who celebrates when things are going moderately well and encourages when things are going relatively badly.

Friends aren’t hard to find in the middle.

It’s on the fringes of life that friends become harder and harder to find and to keep.  When catastrophic pain explodes in your life.  Or when unprecedented success shows up.

In those extremes, friends tend to fade.  When the pain is so intense it stops life in its tracks rather than simply slowing us down.  When suffering takes on otherworldly proportions.  That’s when many friends will fall away.  They simply can’t handle the scope of our sadness.  The depth of our sorrow exposes the shallowness of their character.

The same is true in times of sensational triumph, oddly enough.  Certainly a few companions with ill motives flock to whichever light is currently burning brightest.  But many of the people we believed we were close with will cool in their affections as thoroughly during great victories as they do during great calamities.  They’ll make the mistake of assuming that now that we’re successful we don’t need them like we once did – when the truth is, we need them more now than ever, to keep us balanced and confident during the stress of achievement.  The height of our conquest reveals the extent of their insecurity.

All of this lies in stark contrast to the teaching of scripture.  Paul writes, Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15 – NIV).  That’s the kind of friendship that doesn’t fade on the fringes of life, at the extremes of suffering or success.  That’s the kind of friends you want to have.  That’s the kind of friend you’re called to be.

This requires the mind and heart and character of Christ coming alive in us.  A willingness to hang with a friend whose head is hanging low; to plumb the depths with someone on the edge of insanity because of their grief.  To mourn with those who mourn.  And a commitment to stick with a friend who is enjoying unparalleled favor; to rise to the heights with them, affirming and celebrating their attainments even when they’re far greater than our own.  To rejoice with those who rejoice.

What kind of friends do you have?  Friends who disappear on the fringes, or friends who can handle your extremes?  And what kind of friend are you?  A friend that falters when the pain is too great or the success too significant, or someone who can handle the depths and the heights?

The difference can mean the world – old buddy, old pal.

Comments

[Jonathan Foster]

Wow. How true. I've been in both places (the former much more than the latter, unfortunately) and seen "friends" disappear like morning fog...

I am thankful, however, to have a few, true friends that stick closer (or as close as in my case) than a brother.

Moreover, I want to BE that type of friend. The one who's there through thick AND thin.

Thanks for this, Mark.

Greatly appreciated.

[Mark Johnston]

Jonathan,

Thanks for the kind words my friend. And I know what you mean about being on the receiving end of "fringe friends." Thankful for the through thick and thin kind I have in my life.

Stay in touch,

Mark